Unstructured Grief

I’ve spoken to several family caregivers this past week that have already lost someone near to them or are close to losing them. It has brought back a lot of memories for me. 

I remember that some of the hardest things after Mom passed away was not hearing her voice or being able to ask her a question anymore. Going back into the grocery store or pharmacy that I took her to and ‘seeing’ her wandering through the aisles would put me into overwhelming sobs. Truth be told that still happens at times two years later. And I will never forget someone telling me that I really should be ‘moving on’ just six months or so after she passed away. 

I had guilt over my own grief. What I know for sure is that if anyone dares to say to you that grief should go a particular way I give you full universal permission to tell them to bugger off. Really. You might be able to replicate someone’s hairstyle, but you cannot replicate some one else’s grief.

In her article ‘Stifled Grief: How the West Has It Wrong’ Michelle Steinke speaks to this in such a direct and eloquent way.

How or when you face the loss of your loved one, I hope you will give yourself permission to grieve in a way that helps you to get through a painful loss and take care of yourself, too. 

Be well,


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