Earlier this year, we welcomed Starlight Caregivers as a new care partner. We’re so pleased to share one of co-founder Duanni Hurd’s articles, originally printed in the Los Altos Town Crier. Look for our interview with her on our YouTube channel later this year.
As I have written in other articles, families often gather together for Christmas and the holidays. Adult children may fly in from faraway states, or even countries, to celebrate with loved ones. In our household, one set of elderly parents in their 80s bravely flew in to stay with us in Los Altos from Beijing, and in the other case a trip to Florida to visit 90-year-old Grandma for Christmas was a blessing.
In both cases, we really got to understand the current circumstances, which are often not clear over a WeChat or FaceTime call. And let’s face it, our parents are also not always forthcoming with their health situation.
For many adult children, the realization that a parent may need caregiving support doesn’t arrive with a single dramatic moment. Instead, it unfolds quietly – missed medications, expired food in the refrigerator, a fall that’s minimized, or growing confusion over once-simple tasks. These signs can be easy to explain away, especially when a parent insists they’re “fine.” But beneath that reassurance may be a growing vulnerability that deserves serious attention.
Balancing concern for an aging parent with your work, family, travel and personal responsibilities can feel overwhelming. Adult children often carry a heavy emotional burden: guilt for not being present enough, worry of overstepping boundaries, and uncertainty about what the “right time” is to intervene. Many try to compensate by checking in constantly, rushing over after work, or flying in after an incident. These actions often disrupt their own lives and sacrifice their own well-being. Over time, this can strain not only the parent and child, but the relationship itself.
Hiring support is not a sign that you’ve failed your parent(s). On the contrary, it is one of the most compassionate decisions you can make. Professional caregivers are trained to notice changes in physical and cognitive health, ensure medications are taken correctly, reduce fall risks and provide consistent companionship. They also take care of grocery shopping, meal preparation, errands and appointments. Their presence offers structure, safety and reassurance, the things that become increasingly important as aging progresses.
Caregiving support also allows adult children to step out of the role of constant monitor and back into the role of son or daughter to enjoy the relationship and bonding. Instead of focusing every visit on what’s wrong or what needs fixing, children and parents can spend quality time together like sharing meals, conversations and memories without the constant undercurrent of worry. This shift can preserve dignity for your parents and protect the emotional connection.
Perhaps most importantly, recognizing the need for caregiving early can prevent crises. A single fall, medication error or medical emergency can dramatically change a senior’s quality of life. Proactive support helps seniors remain safe in their homes longer, maintain independence and enjoy a better overall quality of life.
If you’ve found yourself worrying more often, feeling stretched thin or noticing changes you can’t ignore but feel helpless to intervene, it may be time to explore caregiving options. Seeking help is not about giving control away – instead, it’s about adding support, safety and peace of mind for everyone involved. When love alone isn’t enough, compassionate and effective care can bridge the gap between concern and confidence, ensuring your parents are truly supported while you regain balance in your own life.
Duanni Hurd is founder and CEO of Starlight Caregivers, a Los Altos-based home-care organization that serves Santa Clara and San Mateo counties. For more information, visit starlightcaregivers.com. Find her aging life care tips on Instagram @duannihurd.