Once in a while I find myself envious of other couples who are healthy and doing things together. The comparison only diminishes my capacity to enjoy the moment.
Every minute you spend wishing you had someone else’s life is a minute wasting yours.
We all carry a quiet instinct to measure ourselves against others. We notice, compare, and judge automatically.
Yet at some point there comes a moment when this habit begins to feel like a question. Is this how I want to keep living?
Comparing ourselves to others is a natural psychological mechanism. While it can occasionally motivate personal growth, it frequently leaves us with feelings of inadequacy.
There are two kinds of comparisons:
One is the Upward Comparison which happens when you look at people who are more successful, skilled, or better off then you. It leaves you with feelings of inadequacy. It can also be used to motivate you to try something new.
The other is the Downward Comparison that occurs when you evaluate yourself against someone who is worse off, less skilled, or facing more challenges than you are. It leaves you with momentary feelings and a false sense of superiority. It can also be a tool for feeling grateful and make you appreciate what you do have.
I came across a quote several years ago that really stuck with me. Oscar Wilde, an accomplished Irish poet, and playwright, said: “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”
A rich and full life begins within us. It is an inner journey toward our true selves. Leaning into comparison takes away our individuality, and our capacity to foster and be ourselves.
Thanks to the media we are constantly being bombarded with comparisons and people telling us if we use the product they are selling you will look like them. Keep in mind that most media is curated to make people, places and things look handsome enough so you will buy whatever it is.
One of the exercises I do regularly is the “Hush” exercise. When I become aware I am comparing, I stop, breathe in, and on the out breath I say softly to myself “Hush” and slowly breathe out.
Remember:
- The grass is green enough in your own back yard.
- You can get in your own way or discover your own way.
- Our value lies in what we are and what we have been, not in who we wish to be.
- The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.
Reflection: Life reflects back to us the conversations we have with ourselves. Make them good ones
Today’s Practice: Breathe in and breathe out gently reminding yourself to “Hush” when you are comparing yourself.