Caregiving has a way of pulling us out of ourselves in an instant. A comment, a tone of voice, a repeated demand, a familiar frustration—and suddenly we are no longer responding from the part of us that feels grounded or kind. We are reacting, often before we even realize it.
In those moments, reflective practices can feel out of reach. Journaling, inquiry, or even slowing down to “understand” what’s happening may be too much. What’s needed first is something simpler and more immediate—something that helps us stay with ourselves without escalating the moment.
There is a short phrase that makes sense to me and is drawn from Buddhist teaching:
Right now, it’s like this.
At first glance, it sounds almost too simple. But when spoken quietly and honestly, it can be surprisingly powerful.
This phrase does several things at once.
It names what is happening without explaining it.
It claims the moment as it is, rather than fighting it.
It validates the experience without judging it or trying to fix it.
There is no demand embedded in the words. No pressure to feel better. No expectation that you should already be calmer, wiser, or more patient. It simply says: this is the way it is right now.
For caregivers, this matters deeply.
Emotional reactivity is not a personal failure. It is often the nervous system responding to cumulative stress, grief, fatigue, and invisible loss. When we meet reactivity with self-criticism, the moment tightens. When we meet it with presence, something begins to soften.
Right now, it’s like this helps shorten the time we spend fighting reality.
It asks only that you stay.
There are times when curiosity heals, and times when endurance protects. When we are not yet ready for reflection, endurance is the practice. Endurance means staying present without turning against ourselves.
This phrase is not the end of the process. It is the beginning.
When the nervous system settles—even slightly—curiosity may return on its own. Reflection becomes possible again. Choices widen. But until then, letting this moment be enough is not giving up. It is wisdom.
You might try it the next time you notice yourself reacting:
Pause.
Breathe.
And quietly say to yourself:
Right now, it’s like this.
Nothing more is required.
From my heart to yours,
Cindy
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