Psychiatrist and author Mark Epstein wrote the book Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart.
The title always intrigued me. The book isn’t just for readers who have experienced trauma, grief, or the unraveling of their lives. It’s for learning how to sit with what’s broken. Epstein doesn’t pathologize pain. He honors it and names the sacredness of falling apart as a kind of spiritual practice. Something that may deepen your soul.
It is an interesting idea that we can “go to pieces” and at the same time, know we will be all right. One of life’s many paradoxes. In fact, knowing we won’t totally unravel, or go nuts helps us to experience the vulnerability and deep sadness that goes with life’s hard times and unwelcome circumstances.
The book doesn’t have answers. It simply invites you to be present to whatever life delivers. To experience the situation as it is, and to allow all the feelings that go with it. Out of that can come strength, resiliency, and the promise that when you go through hard times again, you will survive.
I recommend pre-planning. As long as we are human and breathing, we will have losses, tragedies, and painful times. I would suggest you take the phrase “Going to pieces without falling apart” to heart and put it on a sticky note somewhere to remind yourself from time to time that bad things will happen and somehow, someway you will get through them.
Give yourself permission to fall apart knowing you will be put back together in time. That you will develop compassion and a deeper connection to all people going through hard times. That puts us in the human being club – membership inevitable.
The quote “there are no atheists in a foxhole” suggests that people facing extreme danger will turn to a higher power for help, regardless of their usual beliefs. There is the possibility that we can deepen our faith. Actually, if we knew all the answers, there would be no reason for faith. During hard times we need to remember there is something bigger than ourselves that will help us get through.
Reflection: I will remember that I will survive hard times and possibly learn something along the way.
Today’s Practice: Put that sticky note with the phrase “Going to pieces without falling apart” somewhere you can see it to remind yourself when bad times come to call, you have a way of thinking about it that will pull you through.