Holding grief and living life may seem impossible to put together in one sentence. Most people think in terms of one way or another, all or nothing, up or down. We’re not very good at living with ambiguity.
When we’re experiencing a loved one with a long-term illness, or a someone who has died, it is important to hold two opposing views at the same time. We can suffer with grief, and we can go on living our lives.
There are a lot of questions associated with illness and death. Am I doing enough? Could I have done more? How can I be happy when my loved one is suffering? How can I live in light of all I’ve lost?
I believe strongly that we need to invest in a healthy, resilient future while at the same time being respectful and present to human suffering. The challenge is to do both.
It has been said in many forms, including through poetry, that in our brokenness beauty and truth are revealed. When we are broken open we are able to sit with other people who also have been broken. Giving back to others from our experiences is life giving.
How do we integrate pain and living life? Try to embrace joy when it comes. Joy doesn’t diminish pain, but it does make it bearable. Joy doesn’t minimize the seriousness of a situation. It helps you cope. Look for it.
Loss is not a test, a lesson, something to handle, a gift or a blessing. It’s not a matter of being “strong.” Loss is simply what happens to us all in this life. Meaning is what we make of it.
Living life comes when we know we are doing the right thing even if it is a painful thing. Showing up for a funeral may bring us pain, but we also know our presence brings comfort to others. We learn that we can grieve and still celebrate birthdays, holidays, and life.
Difficult times make us aware of just how precious life is and to hold both grief and life lightly in the palm of our hand.
Reflection:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. ~ Kahlil Gibran
Today’s Practice:
Hold both sadness and happiness in your heart today.
One is not exclusive of the other.