Although the song “Try a Little Tenderness” was written in 1932 during the Depression era, its message is timeless and encourages gentleness, empathy and affection, all facets of tenderness. It highlights small acts of care, choosing kindness over being right, and deepening emotional connection.
One of my favorite definitions of tenderness is “sensitivity to pain.” We are living in psychologically exhausting and painful times – like being blasted by a firehose not knowing who or what to believe.
Research has shown that experiencing tenderness can have tangible physiological effects, such as reducing levels of stress hormones which are associated with feelings of pleasure and well-being. These biological responses highlight the profound impact of tenderness on our emotional health.
In relationships, tenderness plays a central role in fostering intimacy and satisfaction. Couples who express tenderness toward each other through acts of kindness, physical affection, and emotional support are more likely to report higher levels of relationship satisfaction and longevity.
But tenderness is not limited to romantic relationships. It also plays a crucial role in friendships, family bonds, caregiving, and even interactions with strangers and friends. In a world where we are prioritizing individualism and self-interest, tenderness serves as a reminder of the importance of nurturing our connections with others.
The difference between tenderness and kindness is that tenderness has the quality of vulnerability, which isn’t inherent in kindness.
A moment of tenderness and vulnerability that really struck me was not something I witnessed in person, but something I watched online. It was Jimmy Kimmel’s monologue about his newborn baby’s near-death experience and the medical care that saved him. If you haven’t watched it, it is worth taking 13 minutes to do so.
Kimmel is not known for being particularly tender in public, and in his video he broke down as he described the care that he and his family received. I think the reason the video has been viewed over eight million times is that it feels so striking to see a man known for being tough and funny also show up as fragile, tender, and grateful.
Real strength doesn’t require us to hold power over anyone else. Staying tender can keep inviting us further into intimacy with ourselves, with others, with the earth, with what’s possible.
Reflection: May we develop strong and tender hearts and the courage to face our world that is embroiled in hatred, division, distrust, and violence, and see it with profound hope, love, and tenderness.
Today’s Practice: “Try a Little Tenderness.”