I used to believe that being a good person was about being kind and giving to others. But over the course of some years, I have come to realize the importance of allowing other people to be kind to me as well.
Most of us are experts at giving kindness. When someone is ill and struggling, we offer to help. We bring meals at difficult times. We volunteer, mentor others, and generously give of our time, energy, and resources to those in need.
Catholicism, Judaism, Christianity, and Buddhism all teach the importance of giving. Every non-profit organization espouses the virtues of giving, and philosophies say it is better to give than receive. I am not diminishing the importance of giving, I am just asking the question, “why is it so hard to let others help us?”
I think about all the times over the last years when someone offered to help me and my pat answer was “I appreciate your offer, but no thank you.” Basically, what I was saying was I don’t need your help, I’ll do it myself.
Saying no to an offer of help is a combination of wanting to do things myself, proving I can do things myself, and not wanting to be a burden to anyone.
I realize my saying no has been a form of rejection and denied others the opportunity to be of help and the good feelings that follow. I deny someone the opportunity of being of service. It becomes a one-sided relationship.
How do you feel when you do something kind for someone else? When you help a friend move, pay for a stranger’s coffee, or give what appears to be a homeless person a nutrition bar or two dollars, you feel like you did something important. You feel good about yourself and also feel a deep sense of connection to your fellow humans. Why do we deny others the opportunity to feel good also by doing something for us?
Refusing help can cause another person to feel bad, embarrassed, foolish, disappointed, left out, and worse.
All of this because we think we “should” handle everything alone. Because we don’t want to be a burden. Because we’re afraid of feeling obligated.
Kindness is not just about giving. It’s also about receiving. Say “yes” the next time someone offers you help. You might be amazed.
Reflection:
I will reconsider my attitude about receiving help.
Today’s Practice:
I will call one person today and ask for some kind of help, even if I feel I don’t need it.